SUNDAY AFTERNOON COMING DOWN
To the tune of “Harper Valley PTA”
Let me tell you all a story about a sweet ‘Bama aunt
Loving but strict in bringing up her young and naughty man
Well, she got a phone call one Sunday from the pastor’s wife
Seemed nephew Tim nearly scared her out of her God-fearing life.
She said “Miss Rhi, before class Tim set off an M-80
Sounded like a bomb, we thought ‘Oh Lord, it’s time we all get ready
And we don’t believe that Tim should into behaving this way
I’m sure for this you’ll see fit to have Tim dearly and severely harshly pay.
Well, it happened that the Ladies Ministry was gonna’ meet that very afternoon
They were sure surprised when Miss Rhi walked behind Tim into the room
As she pulled out a straight-backed chair, I can still recall the words she had to say
She said, “We’d like to address this meeting if we apologetically may.”
Well, it’s the second time this year my nephew’s got to have a paddle date
He’s gonna’ need a tub of ice to cool his naughty naughty nates
And when we’re through he’ll stop bein’ the Sunday School clown
But first I’ve gotta’ drop his bitches and pull ever’thing all completely down.
Then Auntie Rhi took Tim across her knee, bare bottom in front of all ladies there
Without delay brought her paddle cracking on the first of many of the fare
To pay the price for the disruptive stunt that Tim felt he had to play
Now the Pastor’s wife and church ladies approvingly smiled and did. not look away.
Again and again Auntie Rhi’s paddle on Tim’s bare bottom fell
The sounds of paddle cracks alternating with his loud cries and yells
Imploring and promising to behave better now
The ladies looking on could only think ‘Oh my and wow!’
Finally, Auntie Rhi felt her loving job was done
As she believed Tim would not ever again engage in that kind of fun
He would for some time coming be sure to stay in line
Because his bottom was the shade of the local McDonald’s sign.
Believe me, I know because I was in over her lap there
The day Auntie Rhi bared and blistered well my very deserving rear.